Okay, so I’m not sure how long this will actually last, but right now, I want it to last for quite a while.

Now, maybe I am just having a panicky day…few days, but I have decided to make tumblr a Friday thing only.

I just feel like I am spending too much of my time online when I could actually be spending it otherwise and doing something much more productive like improving my illustration skills - as that is why I am here at University; to study illustration and pass. 

Maybe life is just a little overwhelming with the amount of projects I am being set, and the amount of deadlines I have have starting next Monday, for that one week.

Whatever it is. I feel like I need to sort myself out a bit.

How can you be sure if someone actually likes you?

and by that I mean in a FRIENDship.

I have known my friends from back home for around seven years now, so I have pretty much assumed that they genuinely like me enough to actually want to spend time with me and just enjoy my company; that we are friends.

However, right now I’m having some issues. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m over tired and feel a bit ill right now that my brains a little out of control, but. Whenever I pose the question off-handedly “oh, but what if they hate me” they are always like “How could anyone hate you!? They definitely don’t hate you. How can someone hate you?” which is all very nice to hear, because it makes me sound like a lovely person, and makes me think that perhaps the friends I have made here do genuinely like me.

Also, I have been hanging around with them for the past 5 weeks we have been a University, and they haven’t just ditched me or anything. BUT. I don’t know? Do they keep me around just for the laughs - because I am VERY clumsy and I’m not going to lie, it’s very amusing to witness. I’m also quite expressive with my facial expressions and arm movements when I talk, which again I guess is quite funny. 

BUT. Do they actually like me? like, LIKE me like me as a friend. Do they consider me as their friend, like I am considering them as my friend? 

They are all invited to my birthday next Wednesday, and they keep telling me how excited they are for it. - So they must like me enough to want to come, but then are they coming just because it’s a party, or-

I don’t know. Basically, I have major issues with actually deciding whether someone genuinely wants to be friends with me. I am way too self-concious and worry far too much about what people think about me, and it makes me wary about friends. 

This post is going nowhere. I’m not even asking you if you can tell me whether they do really like me, or just hang around with me because. I just felt like I needed to write it out somewhere to just get it off my chest. 

It has finally arrived! I am going to see Marina and the Diamonds play tonight just over the train track, which is quite literally five minutes from my student accommodation.

Am I exicted? Why would you even start to even think of suggesting something like that!?

I AM SO EXCITED.

one problem I have though, is my friend is making me draw the black heart on my face, which is fine, but I also have the dress and bow, and my hair is similar already, so I could literally go full out. Is that too much when you are with friends of three weeks!? haha.

Missing my friends so so much right now. It has gotten a lot stronger this week again, but this evening has been a lot of fun and laughs with my two flat mates, but all of a sudden it has all hit me again really hard. 

I just want home, friends, family, and home. 

I’m really missing my family and friends again, all of the time, right now :(

Everything just seems to be coming up again, and this is only the start of my third week away from home.

I have been thinking about it whilst I have been sitting here, and I’m starting to think perhaps it has something to do with it being October which is my birthday, and I’m not actually going to be able to spend it with my family or friends…

yeah, okay I think that is part of it, because as I type this up it’s making me feel worse. So I’m going to go now.

bye.

well…technically there is still 35 minutes left of freshers, but I am tired and feel a bit ill right now, so cut me some slack!

I’m not going to lie, I’m rather proud of myself for managing to get through it all at at how well I have managed to cope with it; the people I have talked to and the events that I have gone to. 

MASSIVE thankyou to my Twin for loyally being on facebook facetime everyday for me to be my freshers organiser and go too gal. 

It has been good - it has been hard, and I have cried and missed home and people, but I am also pleased with how it went overall. I have already met some great people and hopefully I will continue to stay in touch with them and the year will continue to be great. FINGERS CROSSED.

My course starts tomorrow, with a life drawing class at 3:30-6:30pm, and again, I’m not going to lie to you, but I’m slightly terrified because it’s the first one I’ve ever been too because I opted out of doing it at sixth form, and I’m really worried I’m going to giggle because I’ll be so nervous and I’m such an awkward person and they will think I am immature. 

Anyways. Freshers is over, bring on the work and hopefully it will be great :) x

And now I will just have to result to tumblr to pent about University when I need to.

I HAVE BEEN FOUND, by one of my flatmates.

SO WHAT GOES ON TUMBLR STAYS ON TUMBLR.

winstontheclock:

… to university. 

I die inside.

They all leave.

Dead.

Missing you so much Vulpes :( I haven’t found anyone here yet that understand our way of doing things - one fandom a day, and there’s no woods to walk through, except I’d LOVE to take you up Steep Hill, it’s full of shops you would love :) xxxxx